The Snow Angel

AUTHOR: Glenn Beck

PUBLISHED: 2011

GENRE: Novel

I’m going to be upfront about this: I despise Glenn Beck. I don’t think I’ve ever agreed with anything that has come out of his mouth.  Even worse that what he says is the way he says it – screaming unfounded and unsupported accusations onto the airwaves, hiding behind the First Amendment, and then accusing anyone who might differ of being a traitor to the American flag.  He’s the type of guy who thinks he can say whatever he wants because goshdarnit, he’s just being honest, then crucifies others who try to express their own views.  To put it bluntly, he sucks.

So as much as I wish I could say I went into this completely unbiased, I think you would all know that’s a boldfaced lie.*  In fact, reading it started out as a dare from the awesome Jamie Rabinaw – would I actually subject myself to the insanity and inanity that is Glenn Beck?  Not being one to turn down a dare (at least book-related), I agreed, and we both waited in rapt attention for the horror to begin. 

The Snow Angel is the story of Rachel, a young mother struggling to free herself from a life of abuse, first at the hands of her drunken mother, then her cruel husband.  (I’m not even going to discuss the idea of Beck writing in the voice of a battered woman.)  I braced myself for the lectures, for the admonishments, for the if-you-were-a-better-wife-and-Christian speeches, but they never came.  When Rachel’s best friend learns the truth of the abuse, she tells Rachel God hates divorce – but later on helps her escape.  When someone quotes the Bible, it’s generally to remind Rachel that God wants all people to be loved, not to cite his vengeance.  All that... civility kind of sucked all the fun out of it all.

That’s not to say that it’s a good book.  The writing is awful.  Beck is one of those who think that weak writing can be strengthened by adding adjective upon adjective, when it just weakens it further.  He especially loves colors.  (Someone has “denim-colored eyes”.  Would that be an acid wash or a dark fade?)  The prose is jumpy and stiff, and lacks any sort of fluidity.  His characters are stereotypes.  The long-suffering but devoted old man, the precocious, wise-beyond-her-years daughter: they exist solely to prop up Rachel and force her in the right direction.

Then there are the times when his choices are just plain weird.  Take the history of Rachel and her mother, the abusive drunk.  Beck sets up one story as a crucial turning point.  It is, he tells the reader, the worst thing Rachel’s mother ever did to her.  Really, the worst.  Ready?  Have you braced yourself?

She made fun of Rachel for using baking powder instead of baking soda in a cookie recipe.

HUH?

Not the repeated tirades about how Rachel was an unwanted accident that ruined her mother’s life.  Not the beatings that left her bruised and bloody.  No, this woman’s lifetime of psychological trauma hinges on a tragic baking accident.

It’s insane, and it’s pretty solid proof that if he wasn’t a television talking head, Beck would not be a published author.  But he is, and he’s not going anywhere.  So all we can hope to do is avoid him as much as possible – on the screen and on the page.

LENGTH: 288 pages

MAINSTREAM OR NOT: Though not the juggernaut he once was, Glenn Beck remains pretty big.

SO, SHOULD I READ IT OR NOT?: No.  Not because of his politics, or your politics, but just because it’s badly written.

*I am, unsurprisingly, not the only one who feels this strongly about Beck.  The Amazon.com reviews for this book were 5 stars or no stars, with nothing in between.